A Day with Pattie

March 31, 2011

My very dear Christopher,

Today you would have been 58.

The day was harder than I thought it would be. I’ve learned that some days are like that.

I had visions of cooking and eating all day, and the truth was, I didn’t have much on an appetite or energy for either. So I punted. 

I started out the day with my favorite breakfast that you used to make for me. Toasted whole wheat bread, melted sharp cheddar cheese, tomatoes, and lots of garlic. You were not here to make it, but I remember the recipe. I set out to drink coffee out of the famous “bunny” mug, but opted for the usual espresso. Using the bunny mug today made me too sad.

On my way to the office, I stopped by the Alviso Baylands. I did “our walk,” and sat on “our bench.” The harbor project is finished and there is a boat ramp now.

At lunch, I went to our favorite neighborhood place, Taqueria La Bamba, where I got the Super Chicken Burrito that we always used to split. I don’t think I ate but about two bites of mine. I put your half on a plate, just because, and the lady took a picture for me.

In the late afternoon, I went for a walk and took pictures of these tulips at Stanford. I remember how we used to have tulips in both houses, and how we often bought them on the way home from Half Moon Bay. Seeing tulips reminds me of you and brings a smile to my face. You would have thought these tulips were beautiful.

I had a friend take this picture of me with my new dog, LuLu. She is the small dog that we talked about getting ... she came to me 4 months after you left. She’s a great girl, small, spunky, and loyal. She and I have become certified in pet therapy, just like we wanted to do with “the next dog.” LuLu and I are bringing smiles to people at Packard Children’s Hospital, Ronald McDonald House, and Channing House. Every time we go to “work,” I think of you.

I went out to your birthday dinner with Abby, where we had a great chopped salad and shrimp in marinara sauce with chilies and garlic bread. 

I thought of it, but couldn’t quite bring myself to do the full blown birthday cake thing. Instead, I came home to a See’s piece of marzipan and 4 sour gummy bunnies. See’s Marzipan was your favorite, and you were always a sucker for sour gummies. You would have thought the gummy bunnies were cute. The restraint that I used with “portion control” was remarkable, especially given the day. If someone were there to take my picture, I must have looked like the loneliest widow in the world, eating chocolate and gummy bunnies alone in bed!

Honestly reflecting on your 58th birthday, it was a very difficult day for me. Fortunately, there are many fewer difficult days than there used to be. I embrace the difficult days as yet another reminder of how much I loved you. 

More often than not, these days,I smile when I think of you. You’d be happy about that. Many people don’t ever have what you and I had for way too short a while. We were so very lucky. You remain one of the greatest gifts of my life and I’m forever grateful for the time we had together.

Happy Birthday to you! I, and so many others, are so glad that you were born!

Love you forever,

Your WTB, Pattie

xoxox